Archive for May, 2008
How Fears Develop
Posted by: | CommentsThere have been talks about fears and phobias, and how they affect life. Fear is really the misconception, the rejection, and the dread of life.
There are thousands of life definitions available around. Often, these meanings seek or require a happy, if not perfect, life in this world. We are urged to seek out a paradise or a niche of refuge where we can build our utopia or ideal world.
But what really is life? If we honestly study human drama in history, we would see that real life is the concoction of good and bad, sad and happy. How to be happy in all these circumstances is what you make out of your life. We all create our life meanings. We cannot just borrow others’ meanings or get one from a book. We discover real life through actual life encounters. How we end up after each ordeal gives us our real life.
Life is a concoction of both extremes. Real life entails going through these ordeals. When you reject this idea and look for other life meanings — the kind where you live happily ever after — fears start to develop. You begin to look for fairy tale stuffs in life and reject the ones you actually have. Fear comes in, rejecting what is real. People who live in war zones have a realistic idea of life: You live now; you may die the next moment. They see that life is temporary — which is the truth. Thus, they are prepared to die anytime. Fears are still intact, but considerably lessened.
People who reject the truth are afraid to look at scenes of death or tragedy. The more they reject them, the more the fear grows within them. Many books on fears tell their readers to avoid seeing violence. You ought not to look for violence and watch it, but you ought not to close your eyes to it when there is one right under your nose. Life will always show you both extremes.
Mother Theresa was a non-violent person. Yet, she watched injustice and violence everyday, right where she was. She didn’t feel fear for these daily scenes; instead she felt love and concern in the midst of it all. She knew and lived a real life. Jesus Christ and Mahatma Gandhi were for non-violence. Yet they found real meaning and real life as they were caught in the middle of chaos and turmoil. These excellent people lived the real life. They even conquered others’ fears.
The rejection of the real life is the start of real fears. Fearful and phobic people refuse reality and build their own fantasy world.
Reaching for Your Dreams by Aiming for Self-Actualization
Posted by: | CommentsAccording to Abraham Maslow, the ultimate life-goal of a person is to self-actualize. By this he means that we are born with a drive to fulfill our highest potentials.
He has created a Hierarchy of Needs. Needs, which he believes a person desires to fulfill in order to reach the acme of self-actualization.
On the lowest level are the physical needs. These are our needs for food, sex, etc. Next we have our safety needs: our need to be secure and free from harm. Then we have the love and belongingness needs, which is self-explanatory. Next is esteem needs: our need to be respected and admired. Then there are the cognitive needs and the aesthetic needs. The cognitive needs cover our desire for knowledge, while the aesthetic needs deal with our innate desire to experience and appreciate beauty.
At the topmost tier is the level self-actualization needs, the ultimate goal of human beings. Most people get stuck on the lower levels. They don’t and can’t get far, because either they have yet to exhaust the pleasure in the level that they are in, or they haven’t found contentment and satisfaction on that level that they want more and more to the point that they don’t want to leave.
For Maslow, only a handful ever really actualize. Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, and Eleanor Roosevelt are the only few people whom he names who have self-actualized. For him, these people have these in common, among other traits:
l Independence from others’ opinion and influence
l Spontaneity
l Acceptance of themselves
l An objective perception of reality
l They are task-centered
l They know how to appreciate the mundane
l They have deep and healthy interpersonal relationships
l They have compassion for humanity
l They do not have a rude or mean sense of humor.
With traits like those, it is easy to see how they have reached the acme in Maslow’s standards. Most people may have become financially successful, but they may have severe personality flaws like being exploitative or that they like poking fun at others’ shortcomings.
Self-actualization does not mean being perfect. Even Abe Lincoln was plagued with depression, according to history. But the key thing to these people is that they have achieved much and remained humble. They have inspired many, but think that they are but normal people.
Self-actualization is a process of increasingly becoming honest with yourself and with people around you, learning to be content where you are and living life to the fullest without resorting to drugs or hedonism. Life is meant to be lived with vigor and inspiration. Aim to self-actualize: the “getting there” part is quite fun too.
Overcoming Shopping Addiction (for Women)
Posted by: | CommentsLet’s face it, most women celebrate their femininity on clothes, jewelries, perfumes, bags and lots and lots of shoes. And women just love shopping, even if it’s a little over the budget or equivalent to a month’s worth of groceries. If you end up buying things out of compulsion and not of necessity, then you’d better read on…
Compulsive spending can lead to a lot of problems, both financially (of course) and socially. It can strain your relationships, even your work environment. Imagine having debts all over the place—with officemates and friends alike). Not such a pretty scene right? It won’t go too well with those new Blahniks…
Here are ways to cut up your spending at the mall…
1. Try putting off buying that “gorgeous thing” on display. Say this slowly and mean it. Is it something I badly need? Is it a matter of life and death? Think of it ten times or more. Then if you lose sleep over that particular pair of shoes…go ahead and buy it.
2. Scour the mall first. Whenever you spot a particular bag, don’t opt to buy it ASAP. Visit a few more stalls or boutiques. Chances are, they might have the exact item or something quite similar but cheaper.
3. Take advantage of “sale day”. While doing so, make sure you check closely for damages or flaws in the goods you want to buy. If you end up wearing something stained or a shoe with a strap missing then you got less than what you bargained for.
4. Quality doesn’t mean it has to be branded. Let’s face it, that blouse won’t get a second look if it doesn’t have Tommy Hilfiger or Nike sprawled in front. Most of the time buyers are paying for the “brand”. You’ll find the same quality for less if you stop being too particular.
5. Limit your cash or leave some of your credit cards at home. This way you’ll be a lot less tempted to try on that four-digit dress.
Remember, shopping isn’t necessarily a bad thing. What matters is that you shop wisely and overcome the compulsion to overspend. Happy shopping!
How To Have A Stress-Free Thanksgiving
Posted by: | CommentsHolidays tend to be a very stressful affair for many. Planning for dinners, preparing guest lists, making space for family sleepovers can become very stressful. This year, celebrate Thanksgiving the stress-free way.
Call and ask everyone to bring something for dinner. Instead of trying to cook the entire Thanksgiving dinner on your own, call every family member and ask them to each bring their special dish.
Agree to disagree. If any disagreement arises during your family gathering, smile and silently agree to disagree. Arguing only ruins what might otherwise be a lovely family gathering.
Don’t take the weight of the world on your own shoulders. In addition to not trying to do everything by yourself, you also should not try to make everything perfect for everyone. Life is what it is. If something goes wrong, or if someone calls at the last minute to cancel, smile and have a good time anyway.
Remember that there is no such thing as “perfect.” Another terrible trap many fall into is the misconception that you can have a “perfect” family gathering. There’s no such thing. So decide right now that you are going to have the best Thanksgiving ever, regardless of what might happen.
Celebrate Thanksgiving the “right” way. If there has been some tension in your family this year, ask everyone to lay down those feelings for one day to come together as a family. Sometimes this will work and sometimes it won’t. However, if your family members believe in your family unit, they will put aside their differences to enjoy one day of giving thanks together.
1-2-3 Easy Goal Setting
Posted by: | CommentsToo many people make goal setting a difficult thing to accomplish. The truth is that goal setting is simple and easy and anybody can do it. Here are three very simple steps that will get you started on the right foot for setting your goals.
1) Decide what you want. Dream and dream big. There is no dream too big or too little. There is an old saying that goes something like this: “Reach for the moon and fall among the stars.” Never settle for “just anything.”
The main key to deciding what you want is to determine what you are lacking. What is the one thing you wish you could do or have right now that you don’t? If you could only achieve one thing in your lifetime, what would that single thing be?
2) Create your action map. Dreaming big is just one very small part of the picture. You have to know how to get where you want to go.
Once you have a goal in place, it’s time to sit down and set some solid, achievable steps. These steps will carry you closer and closer to your final goal. An action map is not an option—it’s essential to reaching your goal.
3) Do it. All the dreaming and planning in the world will get you nowhere unless you move yourself into action. Make a plan, and then follow through by getting up every day and doing something that will take you one more step closer to your goal.
Can you reach your goal? Of course! First dream big, next make a plan, then finally, start working towards reaching your dream.
Debt Relief Plan
Posted by: | CommentsLiving under a mountain of debt cripples you. You’re unable to live in peace because of the weight and pressure of your financial problems. Creating a debt relief plan can be immensely beneficial in stopping this horrific pain.
Step One: Gather Your Bills. The first thing you must do to create a debt relief plan is know how much you owe and to whom. This will probably be the most difficult step for you if you’ve never done it before. But being able to see every bill you have and the amount of debt you owe will help motivate you and kick start you into action.
Step Two: Make A Plan. Once you have a clear understanding of the amount of debt you’re in, you’ll be much more capable of setting reasonable financial goals for yourself. these goals are what will help you get out of and stay out of debt forever. Begin by sorting your bills from highest to lowest in amount.
Step Three: Make Payments. The most important thing you can do is to make sure you keep making your payments on time. If you are behind on any bill, the first thing you need to do is get caught up. Once you’re caught up on all payments, start applying every extra dollar you can to the smallest bill and get it paid off. Then work your way up the ladder.
Step Four: Continue Moving Forward. Once you get going and start seeing some of your debt paid off, it will be tempting to get another credit card or create more lines of credit. Instead, save money for those purchases and wait until you have enough cash saved up to pay for it in full up front with cash.
Getting out of debt is possible. But you must have a plan and stick to it.
Journal Your Way To Success
Posted by: | CommentsAre you having trouble trying to measure your personal success? Do you feel like you haven’t accomplished much and wonder where you’re going or what you’re doing? Journaling is a great way to chronicle your journey. Here are some tips on how you can use a journal as you strive towards success.
1. Don’t go fancy. The best way to keep and use a journal is to buy a notebook or journal that isn’t so pretty or attractive that you don’t want to mess it up by writing in it. Buy something rugged that can withstand being carried around and transported without tearing up.
2. Write down dates and times. As you begin your success journal, remember to write the date and even the time at the top of each page. You want to keep your journal very detailed so you can go back to specific dates as needed.
3. Make a note of accomplishments. Don’t forget to write down every accomplishment you experience, no matter how great or small. These are milestones in your journey to success and should be recorded.
4. Make a note of failures or mistakes. As equally important is your mistakes and failures. These are filled with important lessons for you to learn from. While you might feel bad about them at the time, it is important to write them down and write down any lessons you can see from them at the time.
5. Jot down your thoughts and feelings. It is also important that you keep notes of your thoughts during these times as well. You’ll be able to track your emotional highs and lows, and will probably even be able to see how your mental status corresponds with your successes or lack thereof.
Why The Naysayers are Wrong About the Law of Attraction
Posted by: | CommentsSome people seem to have made it their mission to dispute and dispel the Law of Attraction. In this article, you’ll learn what the law of attraction means, what these naysayers are don’t like about the law of attraction, and why they’re wrong.
What is the Law of Attraction?
The law of attraction simply states that you get what you think about. Or, as some put it, like attracts like. The basic premise behind the law of attraction is that it is unbiased and neutral. And whether you are consciously aware or not of thinking negative or positive thoughts, the law of attraction will give you what you think about.
Why the naysayers don’t like the law of attraction
Those who disagree with the law of attraction say that it is blasphemous to agree with a concept that states you can literally attract what you want by using your mental power. They claim it goes against every scriptural principal in the Bible.
Why they’re all wrong
We all have the ability within ourselves to either possess a positive or negative mindset. And with either of these, your mindset rules what direction your life will take. For example, when something seemingly bad happens, someone positive has a greater tendancy to see it as a learning experience. Someone with a negative attitude will become pessimistic and angry and take out their problem on everyone around them.
For those who say the law of attraction goes against Biblical principles, they couldn’t be further from the truth either. In fact, Galations 6:7 states, “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”
What do you think?
Now that you’ve been presented with the facts about the law of attraction, what do you think? Do you believe you can attract good things with your positive thoughts? Or do you believe it’s all a myth and there’s no validity to the law of attraction?
You are what you think…
What Is Your Definition of Success?
Posted by: | CommentsLife pulls at you every day. You probably have family and work responsibilities. You might even volunteer some of your time each week to various worthy causes. But at the end of the day, do you feel like you are truly a success? Or do you feel used up and worthless?
Success Is Not Defined By How Much You Do
So many people run themselves ragged every day, searching for that slice of life they think will make them feel happy and successful. All too often, this leads to misery and dissatisfaction…sometimes, even depression.
The truth is, no matter how much you do, no matter how much time you give to others, your success can never be defined by punching a clock.
Success Has Many Meanings
What works for one person doesn’t work for the next. When you think about what success means to you, you should never attempt to define that based on someone else’s success. This is one of the greatest pitfalls many people face: measuring themselves against others.
What is your measuring stick for success? If you could have anything you wanted in ten years from now, what would that be? What would your life look life if you were successful? Define your success based on your own desires and goals.
Believe In Yourself
Finally, before you can reach any level of success, you have to learn to believe in yourself. Without this self-belief, it will be difficult, if at all attainable, to reach any measurable success. Dig deep within yourself and polish the attributes you like about yourself. Use those to build upon to reach your own success.
