Archive for January, 2009
Achieve success by being Positive!
Posted by: | CommentsDo you know that your body and mind react a lot in the way you think? If you think you want something in life, you will get it, though it may take some time. Your body works on energy systems and energy flow, the more positive it is, the more you feel positive and the more positive things happen for you. Yes it is true. So if you want success in life, it has to start with a positive attitude.
Failures are plenty in life. Even for the successful people, failures are not non-existent. In fact they use failures to learn and succeed by correcting them. They are intelligent in covering up their failures, reworking on them and then doing things right to succeed. They never miss the opportunity of showing their success. With positive thoughts comes confidence. This confidence is required to sustain success in life. Without consistency, success is short lived.
How do you start being positive?
Positive feelings are not difficult to achieve. Imagine you thinking yourself of having achieved what you want to. Is that tough? Let is be not true, a lot what we do today is on virtual life (video games, simulation etc.) then why can’t we live a positive virtual life within our mind? The mind and body start to assimilate what you think. You push yourself to think of success and the mind and body will follow. Start to picture your thoughts back from a success situation to smaller details. Think back on how you would have achieved success. What did you do right and what did you correct? This is a nice way of drilling your mind in getting you ideas and ways to achieve what you want.
It’s nice to picture yourself in your positive thoughts as this gives you self confidence. Your ideas from the brain storming session prepare you for any eventualities. If you still don’t feel the positive air around you, then we can use another method. Start saying it to yourself that you will achieve what you are setting out for. It’s good to say that you are the best in what you are doing. When you say these words you mind will give out thoughts of your weaknesses. That’s ok! Use this time to cover up your weakness and then repeat those statements. In few weeks or months you will start believing in your skills and your body. This is what positive statement can do to you. Instead of saying negative things like- I can’t do it or I’m not cut out for it etc, statements which will only keep you away from success.
Other ways of being positive, is to speak and interact with positive people. It is true that positive energy flows from one person to another. A positive person always talks positive and spreads that energy around and you can grab a bit of it too. Ideas and information exchange will also make you positive about things. Hence clarity of thought, new ideas and being prepared for eventualities will help you achieve success. So be positive and believe in your abilities, you are sure to achieve what you set out for.
Midlife Transition – Make It A Positive Experience
Posted by: | CommentsMidlife is a normal developmental stage in everyone’s life. It may involve experiences of loss, change and letting go of much of what you bring into midlife. But you may also experience excitement and freedom from the past. If you prepare yourself you could complete this journey with a minimal amount of struggle.
How do we create successful midlife transition?
You could create a successful midlife transition through mindfulness and planning. Life coaches who help with midlife transition say that if you focus on living consciously you would find your path and fulfillment in this journey.
For many women ‘midlife’ means a period of loss of looks and reproductive capacity, weakness or loss of physical strength, lowered economic status, decreased social network and insecurity.
For today’s women midlife is not a crisis anymore but an adventure.
This is the trend of today’s midlife women.
Midlife women today are happy to explore their self. They look for ways to reconnect to their real self, pursue their passions and live the life they would like to. If you are at this stage in your life, you could explore your inner self. You could search for you hidden talents and deep desires. This exploration requires your personal time and attention.
There are various tools available today that could help you to observe yourself. These are – tuning into your inner self, meditation, yoga, Tai Chi, writing a personal journal, etc. These techniques enable you in getting to know you at a deeper level. Here are a few tips to help you start on your journey:
Take an inventory – Start with taking an inventory of what fulfilled you in the past, what were your disappointments, your sorrows and joys, skills and talents, etc. Make a list of those unfinished tasks that you had in mind before you got busier with other things in life such as marriage, kids, etc. after you uncover or discover the new you, you could make a list of your new wishes and desires or goals.
Journaling – Journaling is a powerful and popular tool. It is the act of expressing your deepest, truest feelings and thoughts in writing. When you write from the deepest heart it unveils the real you. But you should write only the truth. The act of writing opens up to your inner wisdom, which might serve as a source of inspiration. Some say that journaling is like cleaning your closet while opening you to a treasured wisdom.
Meditating – Meditating is another tool that leads you to inner wisdom. Meditating is the act of silencing your mind to delve deeper into your mind. Meditation leads to self-awareness of who you are and what you are.
Letting go of the past – Letting go of the past is freeing you from unwanted thoughts, unresolved issues, wounds and hurts. When you realize how limiting beliefs had created some of these issues, you change your beliefs. You feel like a new person once you let go of the past, you are free.
Your journey is smooth when you just keep in mind that this transition is a normal stage in your life cycle and remember you are not alone.
Make Your First Impression the Best Impression
Posted by: | CommentsThe first 10 to 20seconds are crucial in creating the best fist impression in your first meeting. People observe you from head to toe. They study your physical personality, demeanor, mannerisms, body language, your style or fashion, etc. It is therefore vital for you to make the best impression. Because once the impression is made, it is mostly irreversible. If you have made a good one, it is good; but if you have not, the damage is done. You may interest some and disappoint others. Most of us wish to make the best impression in others whether the meeting is personal or professional.
How do people assess you the first time they see you?
You are always appraised in initial business and social environments. When they see you for the first time, people notice your dress, your shoes, handbag and hairstyle, your body language, your mannerisms, etc. Certain elements contribute to making your first impression. They are: Physical appearance, body language, verbal communication and how well you perceive other people. Here are a few tips to make the best impression:
Physical appearance
♣ Try your best to look attractive
♣ Dress appropriately for the situation and profession
♣ Look poised
♣ Look economically well off in terms of time and money
♣ Choose a proper hairstyle or haircut
♣ Dress well
♣ If you are a woman, your hair should be worn away from your face and heels would make you look taller and slimmer
♣ Accessories such as watch, jewelry and handbags or briefcases should highlight your style along with elegance and quality.
Body language
♣ Enter a room with confidence and smile
♣ Maintain a good posture
♣ Make good eye contact with people you meet and hold it for a few seconds to create a warm connection
♣ Let your handshake be firm
♣ Maintain a distance of one-arm’s length between you and the other person while talking
♣ Do not wear heavy scented colognes or Deos
♣ Keep your breath fresh.
Verbal communication
♣ Remember names when new introductions are made. This is very important especially in business circles
♣ be confident when you converse or while giving out your personal, business details
♣ be sensitive about what topics you choose for small talk.
Perceiving others
Study the other person and try to learn his personality as soon as you could. You could exchange simple information that helps you to understand the energy levels and compatibility between the two of you.
In conclusion, your mastery in presenting yourself in appropriate style, your efficient communication and elegant body language and your sensitivity to others are the key elements that win over others with the best impression.
Learn To Be Courageous
Posted by: | CommentsCourage is also known as bravery. It is the ability to face fear, pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation. It is called ‘physical courage’ while facing physical challenges such as pain and hardship and ‘moral courage’ while enduring shame and discouragement.
The opposite of courage is fear. Courage makes your fear disappear. Courage is an important quality or character that you should have in order to face life’s many challenges.
Is it possible for all of us to have courage?
Well, yes. Courage also means overcoming fears. In that sense we all could learn to overcome most of our fears. You should develop courage in yourself first so that you could instill courage in others – your children, your family, your spouse and your staff at work. If you do not know what courage is and you do not have it, how could you teach others?
How do you overcome fears?
Learn to curb your fears – You should realize that everyone is afraid of something or the other. Courage does not mean absence of fear. Courage is control over your fear. A courageous person acts in spite of his fear to move forward.
Face your fears – Fears disappear the minute you stare at them. Your fear takes over you when you get scared and back away from a fearful situation. The fear looms over you and becomes more powerful. The only way you could develop courage is to be aware of your fear and confront it consciously and continuously. As you face each fear-inducing situation as a challenge your fears become weaker and you grow stronger.
Desensitize yourself to your fears – There is a technique called ‘Systematic desensitization’ which is used to treat phobias and other extreme or erroneous fears based on principles of behavior modification. In this technique you do a fearful act over and over until it has no more power over you. Your courage and confidence would grow more and more as you repeat the action several number of times. Finally your fear simply disappears once for all.
Your action plan in your efforts to overcome fear could include the following steps:
Define what courage is in your mind – it could be learning to drive, staying alone at home, going for a walk alone, swimming, etc. People are afraid of so many different things and what is simple to you may not be so for the other person.
Identify your fears – know your fears first.
Write down a list of all your fears – Be honest to yourself and do not be ashamed of admitting your fear of even the silliest thing in life.
Once your list is done, write down specific actions that you could possibly take in order to overcome those fears.
Prioritize your tasks.
Start taking action today.
Forgive and Forget and Feel Better
Posted by: | CommentsIs it possible to forgive someone truly from the bottom of our heart? We could say that the ability to forgive lies in direct proportion to the degree of the harm done. Still forgiving is better than harboring enmity. When you harbor negative thoughts of revenge and harm against your enemy your enemy would not suffer from those thoughts. But you certainly would have bad effects. Your thoughts could linger in your mind and smother positive feelings. In order to replace the poison of negativity with pure air of positive thoughts, you should consciously take the action of forgiving.
Forgiveness is possible and it is necessary for your physical and mental health. Research shows that people who forgive show lesser depression, anger and stress and have more positive attitude in life. Psychologists say that forgiveness help save on the wear and tear of our organs and reduce the wearing out of the immune system.
You could try these tips to forgive and forget:
Learn to calm yourself: Stress-management techniques help you resolve anger. Take a couple of deep breaths when you feel anger or pain from your past memories. Instead, think of some pleasant memories.
Do not expect an apology: If the other person perceives things differently he or she may not have even meant to hurt you. When you understand this possibility you also realize that the other person obviously is not going to apologize. Do not expect an apology and just let go of the incident, because it not going to come and you would be brooding over it unnecessarily. If, the other person apologizes, you must be willing and open to accept it in order to forgive and forget and put the matter behind you.
Acknowledge the benefits of forgiveness: Numerous studies have shown that people who forgive reap better health benefits, increased energy, better appetite and sleep. You could check health websites online that focus on this area.
Do not blame yourself: You are only human and it is natural to make mistakes in life. Accept yourself first so that you do not blame yourself. If you blame yourself forgiving poses a bigger challenge and your self-confidence is lowered.
First forgive yourself: Sometimes when you do not own or accept responsibility for a particular incident, you tend to blame the other person. In that case you may be harboring anger at yourself, which you may be projecting on the other person. It would be wise for you to accept responsibility and forgive yourself first. Once you forgive yourself, you would realize that the other person is not responsible and it comes easier to forgive the other person.
Forgiving makes you feel better.
Develop Your Own Personal Development Plan (PDP)
Posted by: | CommentsA personal development plan is a structured and supported process undertaken by an individual to consider and improve upon his personal, educational and professional development. The individual is in control of his own development with the opportunity to monitor and steer his growth. It is simply a tool to encourage and support lifelong learning.
The process involves identifying the areas that need development, planning, executing and reviewing.
We all tend to have a mental block when it comes to addressing our own problems. Many people are afraid about taking time and thinking about their problems and solutions to those problems. A PDP would help them to solve their problems in an easy manner.
You could start developing your PDP anytime. Based on your present situation and role, you could draw a PDP that could help to prioritize the most important areas of your life that need immediate attention and concentration.
Identify areas that need progress – This is the first step towards constructing your PDP. You need to be in tune with your current situation in life – know who you are, what you want to achieve, what you have and what you lack. You also have to be clear about what is working for you now and what is not. You need to check on what you are ignoring, too.
Many people may delay in this first step if they have problem identifying the areas of their life that needs development. If you are one of them just think about those areas that are important to you – for example, you could consider the following areas: Physical and mental wellbeing, education, spiritual pursuit, finances, recreation, relationships – personal and professional, etc. You do not need to write down everything in detail but just make a list of these areas.
This list would help you to prioritize your areas. After you identify your areas that need improvement, write down what improvements you prefer to make in each of these areas as it relates to your personal growth.
Set a timeline on each goal – Begin with your short-term goals and then proceed to long-term goals
Write down your action plan – how do you plan to go about this process?
Review your plan – is this plan workable? Would you like to make a few changes or draw a new PDP?
Implement your plan – stick to your plan and follow your schedule
Review your progress – are you following the timeline? Are you progressing accordingly?
When you develop your own PDP, follow through with action and achieve your goals you would feel like you are on top of the world. You gain more confidence that your life is in your control. You get a great satisfaction. Take one step at a time and enjoy the process. That is the key to success.
Develop Your Own Learning Style to Do Well In School
Posted by: | CommentsYour learning style refers to the ways you acquire and process new information. We all have our preferences and each of us learn and process information in our own unique ways. Your learning style may be the single most important key to improving your grades.
There are basically three different primary learning styles we use to learn and process information in our mind – visual, auditory and kinesthetic. People in general may apply any two or all these three types of learning styles. It is also quite common to use different learning style for different tasks.
Students tend to use all these styles but for most of them one of these styles stand out as a primary style. How do you identify your learning style? If you would like to determine your learning style you could consult a professional or your counselor to help you identify your style of learning. Here are the common traits for each style. Check out if these traits match yours:
You are a visual learner if: You learn by seeing or looking at things, take detailed notes, like to sit in front in your class, are usually neat in appearance, are good at spelling but easily forget names, need a quiet time to study, often close your eyes to visualize or recall, find something to watch if you are bored, like colors and fashion, dream in colors, understand charts or prefer chart representations, benefit from colorful illustrations and presentations, like written and spoken language rich in imagery and you are good with sign language.
You are an auditory learner if: You learn best by hearing and listening to things, prefer to read out loud, are not afraid to speak up in class, like oral reports, are a good explainer, easily remember names, pay attention to sound effects in movies, enjoy music, read slowly, are good at grammar, follow verbal directions well, do not like to keep idle for long periods, enjoy acting on stage and are good in study groups.
You are a kinesthetic learner if: You learn through experiencing or touching things, are good at sports, talk a lot with your hands and gestures, are not good at spelling, your handwriting is not that good, like doing scientific experiments in lab, read with loud music, like to be active and take frequent breaks when studying, good at building models, like martial arts, dance, cooking, etc.
You could follow these suggestions to enhance your learning process:
• Visual learner – You could draw pictures in the margins, infer and read the text that explains the graphics; you could picture the topic to understand the subject matter.
• Auditory learner – Listen to the words you read out loud, talk through the information as though you are explaining it to someone else.
• Kinesthetic learner – Mark passages that are meaningful to you; you could take notes in the sides of a paragraph, transfer the information to another book or onto a computer. Hold your book and walk around as you read.
Researchers say that students could perform better if they know and take on a suitable study habit to fit their own personal learning style to score better and do well in school.
Be Yourself to Empower Yourself
Posted by: | CommentsDo you always try to please others in order to gain acceptance from them? Sometimes this may lead you to unhappiness and depression. It is nice to care about other people’s feelings but you should understand that your needs are just as important. By giving more importance to others, you tend to ignore yourself as a special being. You could be considerate of others and at the same time you could be just yourself in order to maintain personal balance in your life.
Have you thought about ‘being yourself?’ Being yourself is empowering yourself to improve your life and career. By being yourself you build a strong foundation of your personality and attitude. You could realize or develop your full potential by being yourself. Here are some powerful tips to learn to be you:
1. Be a unique person. Each one of us is unique in this world. You are different from all others. You have a personality and character. Your personality has its positive and negative sides. You would feel comfortable with yourself if you accept yourself and feel safe to be who you are. Accepting yourself raises your self-confidence. So develop your individuality by accepting the fact that you are unique.
2. Know yourself. You would know yourself if you get familiar with yourself. You must know yourself physically, psychologically and socially and in fact you should know yourself in all aspects, in all entireties. Do you know how tall you are, how much you weigh, your color of eyes, hair, etc.? You could look in a mirror and familiarize yourself to know yourself physically. How about your disposition? Are you friendly? Are you a person who likes to be alone? What are your habits? What are your strengths and weakness? You would know yourself only by observing yourself.
3. Assess yourself. Once you get familiarized with yourself try to evaluate yourself. While evaluating yourself it is good to be open and honest. You could take the help of your close friend or relative to help you analyze and evaluate you. You would be your own critic of how you look, the way you walk, dress, speak, behave, etc. Being critical of yourself would help you improve upon areas where you feel you need to change or get better.
4. Respect Yourself. You need to respect yourself first so that you could learn to respect others. If you have some bad qualities and you are aware of it, you do not need to disrespect yourself or hate yourself. You do not need to condemn yourself of who you are. Learn to understand that no one is perfect. You could on the other hand look at the positive side of yourself and project yourself in positive ways while working on the negative aspects.
Once you understand your uniqueness, get familiar with yourself, assess and respect yourself you would be able to accept yourself. When you accept yourself you become a powerful person.
Are You In An Addictive Relationship? It Is Time to Get Out
Posted by: | CommentsAddictive relationships are sometimes hard to notice. Psychologists believe that one tends to get into addictive relationships if he or she grew up in a dysfunctional home. Many times one realizes that he or she is in an addictive relationship only after understanding it by going through it.
The addicted person needs the other person to fulfill all his needs. As with any other addiction, there are many issues in this type of a relationship such as control, trauma, self-worth, fear, loss of a sense of self, etc. The relationship is used as a means to attempt to resolve other deeper unidentified and unresolved problems.
In an addictive relationship one person is self-centered and extremely independent. He believes that he has the sole right to do whatever he wants to do and whenever he wants it too. His partner is dependent and other-centered. She is willing to reflect whatever her partner wants. This is how addictive relationships function.
Here are some common signs that characterize addictive relationships:
• There is no balance in addictive relationships. One dominates the other partner. Most of the time one person is the giver and the other is the receiver
• There is a demand for instant or immediate gratification. The dominant one expects everything to be done instantly, in the present moment. This is one of the common traits found in drug addicts and alcoholics, too
• There is a great deal of control, obsession and fixation on the partner. There is a tendency to ‘make the partner change’ with an idea of fixing him or her
• Dishonesty is present to a great extent in addictive relationships. Most of the time one partner tries to hide certain personal aspects, which the other should not find out. Sometimes one partner puts up false cover-ups to hide the real person
• Emotional highs and lows are present in addictive relationships. The lows last longer and goes deeper than the highs when the emotional highs are plain ecstatic
• Social isolation is yet another sign of addictive relationship. Nobody else – not even parents, siblings, children or close friends are allowed into their relationship. People in addictive relationships prefer to be left alone
• There is no true love. All healthy boundaries that characterize a normal healthy marriage are absent in an addictive relationship
• Signs of an Addictive relationship also include a cycle of pleasure, pain, cynicism, blaming and reconnection. This cycle goes on and on until one partner tries to break free since the situations get out of control.
How does one overcome a relationship addiction? Here are a few tips to help you overcome your relationship addiction:
• Make your rescue as the number one priority in your life
• Identify the roots of physical and emotional abuse
• Assure yourself that you are an independent soul who is in charge of your own life
• Detach yourself from the emotions that bind you to the relationship
• Cultivate positivism
• Find support groups Consider getting professional help, if need arises.
If you are in an addictive relationship it is time you get out of it and find a life of your own.
Are You A Mr. Assertive Or A Mr. Aggressive?
Posted by: | CommentsOne of the most essential skills needed in handling people and situations is assertiveness. You are assertive if you are clear in letting others know about your expectations without any anxiety or hesitation. This is one area of development to be focused on when coaching executives. Many in management sectors confuse ‘assertiveness’ with ‘aggressiveness.’
What are some of the differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness?
If you are assertiive you ask people of what you want directly and openly. There is an air of reassurance and confident around you at all times. While you do ask for your wants and preferences, you make sure to respect other people’s rights and you do not expect others to know what is on your mind without expressing yourself.
If you are aggressive you try to get what you want in someway or the other and you may often cause bad feelings in others. You may resort to different tactics – request, beg, entice, persuade, manipulate or threaten as your means to get what you want. In the process you do not respect other’s rights or feelings. You do not even look into situations that may get both sides what they want, such as win-win situations.
Aggressive behavior might help one to achieve immediate or short-term results but the longer outcome is a steady decline in performance due to unpopularity and non- cooperation from others who are often victims of aggressive or bullying behavior. With the result the aggressive person ends up being over stressed and depressed. Mr. Aggressive is often not supported by his colleagues and is therefore unable to reach his goals in his career.
Mr. Assertive is able to lead, direct and motivate without much of huff and puff. Since he already is clear about what he wants and is able to convince others without hurting their sentiments and feelings he is popular among employees and he gets good cooperation from his colleagues.
An assertive person is able to give unequivocal direction and leadership through his positive motivational messages to his team members. As a result he is able to achieve his goals sooner and rises up the corporate ladder easily. Body language is an important factor of assertiveness. You could keep the following in mind if you would like to develop assertiveness:
♣ A warm smile or a friendly expression shows respect to your listener
♣ Maintaining eye contact shows that you are actively listening to the other person
♣ A relaxed and straight stance should be adopted during communications
♣ Your hands should be kept in an open position to show candidness.
Assertiveness in appropriate situations is bound to win you friends and supporters in your career and in society.
